Homer Simpson Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Every Time

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Homer Simpson

He’s constantly getting his family in trouble with his get-rich-quick and laziness schemes, but Homer Simpson is one of our favourite dads in the entertainment industry. Over the show’s 30-year run, the donut-loving three-haired dad has delivered many lines that made us belly laugh.

In honour of Father’s Day on June 16th, we’re looking back at the best things Homer has ever said – from solid life advice to sensational statements.

On date nights: ‘What’s the point of going out? We’re just gonna wind up back here anyway.’

On mischief: ‘A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid centre.’

On the internet: ‘The information superhighway showed the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek.’

On break-ups: ‘Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. ‘’Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU’’.’

On spaceships: ‘I’m like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?’

On school: ‘The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let’s see; don’t tattle, always make fun of those different from you, never say anything unless you’re sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.’

On being a millionaire: ‘Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!’

On life goals: ‘All my life, I’ve had one dream; to achieve my many goals.’

On failure: ‘Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.’

On love: ‘‘You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.’

On the power of TV: ‘When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!’

On the important things in life: ‘Being popular is the most important thing in the world!’

On the movie Speed: ‘I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ‘’The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.’

On Marge, the cop: ‘When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, you know like that movie… ‘’Spaceballs’’. But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie ‘’Police Academy’’.’

On education: ‘How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?’

On the important things in life, pt2: ‘I’m hittin’ the road. Maybe I’ll drop you a line some day from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world.’

On career development: ‘I want to share something with you – the three little sentences that will get you through life; number 1: Cover for me, number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss, and number 3: It was like that when I got here.’

On his work skills: ‘I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.’

On finance: ‘Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy’s piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer…wait a minute, lemme count and make sure…. not even close.’

On family values: [Meets aliens] Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!’

On life goals, pt2: ‘Stupid risks make life worth living.’

On scientific marvels: ‘I bet Einstein turned himself into all sorts of colours before he invented the light bulb.’

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Feature image credit: @YouTube